Rose Sinclair

waking coyote
by

waking coyote

Rose Sinclair

What is it to grieve?

What does it Feel like?

The air of me gasps

The earth of me trembles

The fire of me pushes my blood

The water of me falls in a torrent

They ask it of me, these elements of creation

This full presence

This authenticity of self which includes them

This fullness of humanness not limited to the edges of my skin

When the sunflowers bow their heads to the rain

When the trees crack and break and fall in the wind

When the volcano erupts and the lightning strikes and the grasslands burn

When the rocks tumble and break to become new beings

My fullness of life is not limited to the edges of my skin

The earth holds it all, holds me all

Holds all of me

Gasping, trembling, pushing, falling

And rising again.

Farewell to the Spirits of Place
by

Farewell to the Spirits of Place

Rose Sinclair

Recently we had to move our home from a quiet rural mountainside in Vermont to a neighborhood in Massachusetts — neighbors within spitting distance, street lights, porch lights, etc. When it became evident that leaving was a foregone conclusion, I went deep into grief. The quiet and the wild are much like sleeping and breathing for me — and the adjustment was intimidating. As I wandered in spirit and in my yard, a song from my childhood emerged unbidden and strong — a goodbye song from a children’s show “The Magic Garden” which aired when I was 6 and I was immediately hooked — shapeshifting, trees that held stories, a chuckle patch that shared jokes furled in their leaves… I learned that I wasn’t alone in knowing there was magic in the garden, that everything spoke and had consciousness, and then found that, in fact, I was alone among my peers, and got very quiet about such things, and sought adults to be friends with who could at least hear what I was experiencing.

So, walking in the yard, allowing hot bitter tears to flow, Covid losses, lost job, new job, now have to leave, my familiar died — heart heavy, mind swirling, wishing to scream and instead…

“See ya, see ya! Hope you had a good good time, la dum. Hope you’ll have a good good morning, mmm hmmmm, hope we get to see you again.

See ya, see ya! Glad that you could stay awhile, mm hmmm, glad that we could say good morning to ya, hope you have a shiny day! Byebye now!”

My memory of them singing includes the words “glad we got to spend this time together, hope we get to see you again! Bye!”

And suddenly it wasn’t Carole and Paula singing it in my memory, it was the land wights, letting me know it was ok, they loved having us be so very present to them for 2 years, and knew we wouldn’t forget them…

The land does sing, we just need to allow there’s a song and to Listen for it. Tears merged with a huge grin and the salt taste on my lips was the stuff of life.

It is so.

Thank you Paula Janis, thank you Carole Demas, for sharing your magic with us, magic that continues to grow.